12 weeks...

12 weeks seems like a long time from the moment I found out I was pregnant. Looking back, it kinda passed in a flash.

I remembered vividly, the first word I uttered when I realised I was pregnant was "F*** x 3", very rare, considering I was taught not to use the word "shit" cause it's a vulgar word. Both Da man and I were in a daze for a split second, maybe longer. He was more calm than I was cause he said he had a gut feel when I had my multiple cravings for Thai food.

It has been a very smooth 12 weeks, no morning sickness, no major cravings (except a preference for tom yum soup), no fatigue (no excuses to end work earlier than usual), no headache or dizzy spells. Honestly, I got a little worried. Too smooth for comfort. I don't seem pregnant at all. Being a mother makes one paranoid I guess. Luckily the doctor reassured me that the baby was growing well at 8th week and showed us the heartbeat. Even more so during the 12 weeks scan.

It's amazing seeing the hands and legs moving vigorously during the scan. The baby was good and the scan (for down syndrome) took only a good 10mins. The gynae spoke to the baby to move slightly lower but the baby seem to be in his/her own world. Both of us followed suit seeing the non response and spoke to the baby. Seconds later, the baby jumped twice and moved into position. We were both awed. The gyane went " Look! Your baby is jumping. It's very good cause it means the muscles and nerves are developing well." Our smiles said it all. We just wish you grow well and healthily.

We booked the confinement lady, the infant care at Pat's helifax and attended parenting talk. More stuff to buy and whole lot of activities that will keep us occupied.

I like it that Da man prays for both the baby and I daily, morning and night. That we trust in the Lord and his presence during this journey of our lives, that the baby knows God even before birth. Somehow, whenever fear sets in (those silly random thoughts when I wonder if the baby is growing well when I feel a tug or pull in my tummy), the prayers have a settling effect on me.

4 more weeks to the answer of whether it's a boy or girl. Hopefully the baby is cooperative. We shall see.

It's amazing feeling you grow in me, even more so seeing you every 4 weeks. Love love love....

Should I or should I not?

I toyed with the idea of setting a blog exclusively for the lil' one. But I decided against it since I would never be able to really project the thoughts the lil' one has as he/she starts his/her journey nor assume his/her emotions & feelings as he/she grows.

I want him/her to grow up reading & knowing the thoughts and feeling we experience as parents while watching him/her grow, the journey we go through as a family, the funny moments, the " we are so proud of you" moments, ,the " u made us laugh so hard" moments, the "we are so worried" moments, even the " u drive us crazy" moments,  the immense love we have from day 1 till present, the random thoughts we penned, instead of a blog that uses the voice of the lil' one.

So I'm just going to dedicate part of the blog I've to the lil' one, after all, the lil' one is not a separate entity but an integral part of our life.

I might not be the best writer my love ,nor will I be able to express my feelings perfectly in words, but please do know, everything mummy write is 'as it is" and very real, just like my love for you.

What ever will be will be...

When I was just a lil' girl, I ask my mother, what will I be? Will I be pretty? Will I be rich? ....

Funny how lil' kids sing to nursery rhymes that let them imagine how things will be like in the future. Becos it's so real, humans tend to want to know the future, regardless the young or old.

I have been thinking, 'what kind of mother will I be?', 'will I change as a wife?', 'will I change as a friend?', 'how will my child turn out to be?'. Will he/she be healthy, adorable, smart? . What can I do to nurture my child to bring out the best in him/her? Will I always be able to protect him/her when they grow up?

A tad to fast to think but yes, occasionally ,thoughts like these run through my mind.

I want to still be the very same woman my man loves me for, or if I can,even more loving. I want to still make him feel loved, not neglected just because there is another person for me to love. I want him to know I still enjoy spending time with him and not just having the child constantly on my mind. I want him to know, he still matters, so very very much.

I want to love my child with all the love I have, to shower affection and concern any mother would want to give.

It's going to be an interesting journey, one that's filled with joy & laughter, one that will awe me from time to time, one that is peppered with frustrated moments and even tears, most importantly, one that will make me love another person like I never love before.

But as I much as I spend time imagining and wondering what the future will be, I need to remind myself to pause and enjoy the present.

All excited to see you on Monday, grow well & beautifully my love. Wave a lil' if you can.