Heart vs Mind

If only there is a 10 year series on motherhood, it would be selling like hot cakes.

How do I go about being a good Mom? Do I carry when he cries or do I wait for him to self soothe? Do I rock him to sleep on my arms or do I lay him down so that he learns to sleep on his own? Do I feed on demand or do I feed on schedule? There are simply too many books with differing views out there, I am seriously confused.

There are times when I realised, I approached motherhood with my mind rather than my heart. I am cooped up with doing it right rather than enjoying the process. Stocked up books on know-hows, week by week progress and magazines to prepare myself. Should I let my heart guide me along and handle things by feeling? I am not sure which method will be the best for Tyler. Perhaps both, equipped with the knowledge but the heart to discern.

Tyler taught me patience that many things in life are not meant to be hurried. He taught me selflessness as well, that you can do so much for someone who might not (or rather incapable of) show that he/she loves you back and will treat you the same. There is so much to learn about being a mother.

At the same time, I cant help but be mindful that I don’t neglect those around me. Love is to be multiplied and not divided.

Photo shoot

Had a photo shoot for Tyler.

I love the idea of having pictures of him for keepsake because he grows so fast and his looks changes each and everyday. I love taking pictures, believing that they serve as a remembrance of the happy moments in our lives.

Steadfast

Flowers to brighten up my day, to put a smile on my face and to let me know things don’t change simply because I'm a mom.

You do know, nothing beats having u around.

Grass is always greener on the other side

Back and home for 2 days and I've been plagued with engorged breasts. It's one of those unbearable pain as if someone is pumping water into your boobies and waiting for it to burst. The boobies harden like 2 rocks that are stuck on the chest. Tyler has been latching on well and feeding well too, so much so he can go without milk for 4-5hrs. What could be wrong?

A visit to the lactation specialist and acquisition of an electric breast pump made me realised I had more milk than Tyler's needs. Supply exceeding demand.

We prayed for abundance of milk supply prior to popping and God answered. Silly us didn’t realise the implication of oversupply and the lack of knowledge of a  1^st time mom that I have to pump even when Tyler is not requiring to feed.

Life revolves around a 3hr schedule, feeding , expressing, resting for the mere 30mins and the cycle begins again. And the engorgement pain comes every 3hrly too.

Many mothers would love to have my problem, especially those who lack. However, I would prefer to have the problem they are facing, a problem easily resolved by buying a can of formula milk every week. Afterall, it's supplementing breast milk, the baby still gets the benefit of both. Pain is eliminated and easily solved by a trip to the supermarket, rather than having to deal with pain every 3hrly. It's really no joke.

We changed our prayers, to ask Him for sufficient supply to meet Tyler's demand and for the pain to go away.

Seeing him smile when he feeds, gives me the motivation to continue breastfeeding. Having a supportive & understanding husband, eases the emotional and physical strain. Whoever says breastfeeding is good for the child, it better be true.

1st Trip out

First trip out to the paediatrician. The lil' one has jaundice and needs some sun-tanning. Dr Ang commented that Tyler has really strong muscle and is pretty tough.

Back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Boy, the one week battle with engorged breast really speed weight loss. I am beginning to like breast feeding more since it really helps to lose weight.

Happy birthday Tyler

Happy birthday my dearest lil' one. I have decided to document the process so that when he grows up and ask, I would have something to fall back on lest I forget the bits and pieces of the day he arrives.

Upon hearing from the Gynae that I was ready to pop anytime, I feasted on all kinds of food for fear that confinement will be torturous. It started yesterday evening with mild contractions which I put aside as Braxton Hicks. Bearable. However, it lasted the whole night till 3+ in the morning and we decided to time the contractions.

15mins interval...10mins interval...8 mins interval.. should we go to the Hospital? We wanted to wait for 5mins interval before grabbing the bags. We were almost near the hospital when the contractions stopped. Hence, we made a U-turn back home. Lo and behold, it started all over again, this time with a greater intensity when I was about to alight the car. Drove all the way back and was admitted to the delivery ward as I couldn't even stand straight when the contractions came.

It was about 6am when we were admitted. 2 cm dilated and all ready for labour. Epidural is really the best medicine invention ever, side effects aside. The 8hrs dilation process was almost painless because of it. The actual pushing is another story. I have never used so much strength my whole life. Blame it on my unhealthy lifestyle of not exercising after marriage. 1hr odd of pushing and out came Tyler.

Was it teary moment? I guess I was more in shocked and relief when I managed to push him out. Kinda of dazed when they placed Tyler on my chest. The whitish-bluish warm body against mine,I could only look on, stoned.  No tears of joy or awwww moments, I was in total shock I guess. We even had to be prompted by the nurses to take family picture because both of us were just too overwhelmed then.

Tyler was so lil', he seems so fragile when I held on to him. My first experience carrying a baby. He didn't cry when i held on to him, eyes wide opened, he looked at us. Yes, we are officially parents from this moment. Life changing indeed, what's there ahead?


Let my maternal instinct kick in.



Divine message

11 more days to EDD. Would Tyler decide to pop earlier? Da man has constantly been praying for signs to let us know when I will pop. How? I often wondered.

I had fake contraction last weekend, Braxton Hicks. It was an eventful Sat night where both of us started counting the intervals between contractions to gauge if I needed to be admitted. It turned out to be a false alarm. At least now we are more prepared should the real "Thing" begins.

The supposedly 2^nd last visit to the Gynae today at 2pm. Lo and behold, Dr Wong had an emergency C-sect and we had to wait for 1hr instead. While we were having tea at Delifrance, I felt a sudden gush but decided to ignore it thinking it might be a false alarm again. As we walked to the clinc, I realised I stained my dress. It was blood red. Why was I bleeding?

Went up to the clinic and so coincidentally, it was my turn. I didn't have time to clean up. Upon hearing that I stained my dress, Dr Wong exclaimed it might just be "The Show".  2cm dilated and muscus plug out.....it could be anytime these couple of days. There goes my Shangri-la The Line buffet with the team.

"Shall we go home and rest?" Da man asked gently. I shoke my head, " I need to go back to the office and settle my work first." Work- the only thing I cant let go during times like this.

God is good. If the Gynae didn't have an emergency C-sect, I would have left the clinic before "The Show" of muscus plug and brushed the bleeding as a result of the swipe test performed by the gynae. However, the delay resulted in us knowing I will pop anytime from today, latest National Day.

We have time to prepare but one can never be totally prepared.

Tyler: Soon my love, soon...